– Ah, possession.
– Take out a small box underneath the desk there. Have a look inside and show us what’s there. LOUD THUMP This is my special travel dressing gown. LAUGHTER It’s true! Definitely true! We need to hear no more, David. – It is true without any shadow of a doubt.
– I’m contractually obliged to finish the card. It’s the one item I always pack when I go on holiday. First, could we have the full modelling of the dressing gown? – Give us a nice twirl.
– Can we smell it? I think you should come out here. Enjoy the space. Oh, he’s having trouble putting it on. Well, he’s not abroad. He’s confused. – Have you forgotten the cord?
– The cord is missing. Just hold it as though it were done up, so we get a proper idea. – Yeah.
– Could you mime smoking a pipe and solve a crime? Oh, I’d love that. LAUGHTER – Can I ask, where did you get it from?
– Eh… – 1924!
– I think it’s from Marks & Spencer’s. – In 1924!
– Did you say, “It’s my special TRAVEL dressing gown”? Yes. I don’t know if “travel dressing gown” is a technical term. But I have two dressing gowns. This is one. The other is a thicker, towelling dressing gown which takes up more space in a suitcase. Do you take pyjamas? Do you wear anything under it? – Yes, I…
– I feel sick. What I don’t do is I don’t tend to wear it over normal clothes like this. That is the worst sexy chat line I’ve ever heard in my life! – You…
– “I’m naked under here.” To be honest, Lee, I don’t know why you come into so many encounters with me expecting arousal. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Does that go with you on any trip or certain trips? – No, only if I’m going to stay the night somewhere.
– Obviously, yeah… I didn’t think you were walking round Dixons in it! Is he telling the truth or is he constructing a lie? – Patsy?
– It’s true?
– Yeah. – Chris?
– Based on the design of the dressing gown and his demeanour, I think they fit. So, Lee, what’s it going to be? – I’ll say that’s true.
– David, is it true or is it a lie? – It is true.
– APPLAUSE Yes, it’s true. That is David’s special dressing gown. It’s just a dressing gown. It’s not my special dressing gown like I think it’s got a personality! It’s David’s SPECIAL dressing gown. You are never going to get away from that now. Everyone who sees this show will look at you and see that. My entire image has been destroyed by this show. I was a cool guy who was into music and modern art before this show, before all the stuff about dressing as an 18th century nobleman and having a little bell came out. The travel dressing gown is just the tip of the iceberg of naffness! Just so we’re in no doubt, that is David’s SPECIAL dressing gown.